<Holiday gatherings, from Val’s perspective>
Last year, I was able to attend Thanksgiving dinner at Frankie’s house. Frankie did all the socializing, and all I had to do was introduce myself, smile, and nod. Easy. Frankie went out of town to visit family this year, so I was stuck with my own family. This wasn’t going to be so easy. I could already foresee the questions, since I’m a senior this year.
I wonder how long I can spend in this bathroom before my Mom starts pounding on the door. I might be pushing it already. I open the bathroom door. I was wearing my most basic attire: just a sweater, some jeans, and some boots.
On the car ride to my grandparents’ house, I sit in the backseat, keeping an eye on the pumpkin pie sitting precariously in the seat beside me. There would be a total of 14 family members: My grandparents, my great uncle and great aunt, my aunt and uncle, two of my second cousins, and five of my first cousins, plus one of their girlfriends.
Just thinking about it made my head spin. Maybe it’ll be alright if I find a corner to hide in after saying ‘hi’ to everyone, as long as we don’t stay there until late and my phone doesn’t die.
Once we pull up to my grandparents’ 50-year-old house, with a lawn in front in dire need of a lawnmower, I’m mentally preparing myself. I trail a little behind my parents as we walk to the door. They ring the doorbell. Once, twice, three times. Either the doorbell isn’t working, or it’s just that loud inside.
Finally, my grandma opens the door. She greets my parents and gives them both hugs. They pass her by and are greeted again, loudly, by those already inside.
“Val! Wow, look at you. You look bigger every time I see you.”
Bigger?! I have to resist the urge to look down at myself. I push past my discomfort and greet her. “Um, hi grandma.” I’m smiling. Or at least, what I think is a smile. The corners of my mouth are tugged upward, and I’m baring my teeth. That’s a smile, right?
“Come give your Grandma a hug!” She pulls me into an embrace, and I reluctantly hug back. I hate physical contact. I usually decline, but I usually feel like I never have the choice to, with family. I pull back as soon as she lets me and step into the house. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to make myself smaller.
Inside, music faintly plays in the background. I just barely catch the riff of some jazz tune beneath the boisterous voices of my family.
Everyone is so caught up with talking to my Mom and Dad that they don’t really notice me. Well, except my little cousin Remy. He sits in the corner with an iPad in his hands, but he waves to me from across the room. I wave back. He gets back to whatever he was doing.
I try to take this opportunity to go to the corner of the room, the corner where Remy is sitting. I fail.
“Val-!” It’s one of my aunts. She puts her hands on her shoulders, then pulls me into a hug. “How’ve you been? You’re a senior now, right? Been busy?”
“Yeah.” I stand stiffly. “Yeah, I’ve been busy.” I’ve been finishing up my portfolio to send to various art schools I’m applying to. But- I don’t want to mention art school if I can help it. My parents are keeping it quiet, but it’s only a matter of time… “I’ve been applying to places.”
“Oh. What’s your top pick?”
My uncle, her husband, gets invested in the conversation now. And of course he would. My oldest first cousin is going to the BAR soon, and I think the second oldest is studying to become a psychologist or something.
“Um-” Savannah College of Art and Design, but maybe a 2-year first, if I want to be smart about things. “I don’t really know yet. I’m thinking about just going to a two-year and then going from there.”
She quirks a brow. “Well, do you at least know what you want to study?”
I’d feel bad lying to their faces. I can’t, but I really don’t want to tell the truth. “I know I want to get a Bachelor of Arts.”
“Uh-huh.” A slow nod.
I refuse to elaborate. “Um, yeah, so… um, things have been going great. How have things been going for Sam? Is she prepared for the BAR?”
That does it. She launches into talking about her eldest. And I get that Sammy is responsible, noble, kind-hearted, smart, motivated, ambitious, and overall just the coolest human being ever for deciding to become a lawyer… but…. I think her Mom is laying it on a little thick.
Someone says something about football, and it catches my uncle’s attention. He starts, very loudly, engaging in a conversation about football that momentarily distracts my aunt. I take the opportunity to sit next to Remy in the corner.
All is well until dinner. The table is set with food. Some delicious classics, and some interesting additions. There’s lasagna at the other end of the table. I think my great uncle made it. We say grace before dinner; my family is really Christian, so at gatherings this large, apparently, it’s a must.
When they start chattering about who should say grace, I take the opportunity to start spacing off. I quickly return from my thoughts to the table when someone says, “Shouldn’t Val do it?”
Huh? “Oh, no, I, I couldn’t…”
“You’re almost 18,” says my Grandpa. “You’ve listened enough times to know how it’s done.”
Now doesn’t seem like the time to confess that I don’t really think I’m religious. I fiddle with my sleeve for a moment, wondering how to get out of this conversation. The more I stall, the more uncomfortable the situation gets. I’m all too aware of how many gazes are on me right now. I say, in barely more than a squeak, “Um, I don’t think I can do it…”
A couple of moments of silence. “Why not? It’s only us here,” says one of my cousins.
I shake my head.
Everyone drops it. Someone else is nominated to say grace. My father. He says a long-winded prayer and talks about everything from economics to academic achievements to the well-being of the family. Maybe I should have done it after all.
Then everyone gets to eat. Dishes are passed around the table (which is really two tables pushed together). While we eat dinner and dessert, everyone leaves me alone. I think I might be clear until the end of the night.
I only get about ten minutes of peace when I go back to the living room. My cousin hooks an arm around my shoulders, and I pull away a bit.
“Hey, Val, heard you’re seeing someone.”
I shoot my parents a pointed glare across the room, but I only see the back of their heads.“Yeah…”
“Lemme see a picture.”
There’s a reason I’ve never brought Frankie around before. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Just…. Can you just leave it alone?” I keep my tone light, but I’m also clenching my teeth between words. “Stop it.” All of this made my 14-year-old cousin more amused. He started gathering more of my cousins, and all of a sudden, I’m surrounded, pestered from all sides.
To finally shut them up, I gave in and showed them a picture of Frankie.
My cousin scrunches his nose. Wow.
All of my other cousins join in, and it seems like they don’t really have anything nice to say. So I, very much upset, trying not to stomp and draw the attention of the older people in the room, shut myself in the bathroom. I stay there until the night is over. I knew this would go terribly.
…to be continued
WRITTEN BY: Kris Sanders, Empowerteen Creative Writer Intern
Stay tuned for the follow up to this story in the next edition, “Family Time: Part 2”!
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