Dealing with the adults in your life can be intimidating. From family members to teachers, managers, and anyone else you may come into contact with, conflicts may seem like they’re already decided as the dynamic is skewed. One person has more experience simply by being older. People make the mistake of believing that the older you get, the more mature, wiser, and educated you become. That isn’t always the case; even the most mature, well-read, experienced people get things wrong sometimes.
So, how do you, as a younger person, get older people to listen to you? How do you resolve conflict with them? How do you approach them without buckling under the pressure?
Telling an adult they’re wrong
Let’s say an older family member says something blatantly wrong, and you know it, or at the very least feel it’s so. Trying to correct might lead to an argument, especially when it concerns larger topics. Here are some ways to avoid that from happening:
Choose a good time to correct them. Try catching said adult when they’re in a good mood, and/or when there aren’t many people around (unless you think additional support might be helpful).
Try to empathize, which might be difficult because you believe you’re in the right. Thinking about why the person has the opinion they have will make it easier to know how to approach correcting them, as a lot of opinions and knowledge are products of a person’s experiences. The other thing to keep in mind is that it’s very hard for people to admit they’re wrong at any age. So instead of coming at correcting them from an accusatory standpoint, “You said ____, and that’s wrong.” Try going about it in a less confrontational way, and more from a curious standpoint. For example, let’s say it’s a conversation about sugar making kids hyper/more energetic.
“After having cake at the party, I just couldn’t get those kids to sit down! All of that sugar hyped them up.”
“You mentioned that it was the sugar that made them energetic? I’m curious if you saw that in a study somewhere? The other day, I was reading an article that discussed the same thing. It was interesting because it challenged the link between sugar consumption and hyperactivity.”
Try leaving words like “you” or “correct/incorrect, true/untrue, etc.” out of it. This may be difficult, especially with bigger topics, but people listen more when they don’t feel the need to defend themselves. If you make it into a learning experience, it becomes more beneficial for both parties.
Advocating for yourself
Standing up for yourself or your interests can be very intimidating, especially when it comes to doing so with older people. But remember, if you don’t try to stand up for yourself, it’s very unlikely the problem you’re facing will ever be resolved.
One way to resolve issues is by getting someone to mediate. This can be especially helpful if this confrontation is a source of fear and anxiety. For instance, you start a job, and your boss is giving certain employees special treatment or treating you poorly; if it’s possible, try going above them. By getting their manager involved, suddenly the pressure is up for them to listen to your grievances and fix their behavior.
Advocating for yourself can also be advocating for your interests (in this case with parents, in particular). Let’s say you have strict parents, and there are things you want to do that you’re not allowed to. Try to compromise/bargain, and add conditions as necessary to keep your parental figures satisfied. Talk to other family members and try to get them on board as well. Advocating for yourself is an important skill to practice now so that you may feel empowered to do so for the remainder of your life!
WRITTEN BY: Kris Sanders, Empowerteen Creative Writer Intern
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